THE WEEK THAT WAS….

‘Anything you can do we can do better’ – forget Isner and Mahut’s 6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6 and 70-68 marathon at Wimbledon.  That was only 11 hours and five minutes of play spread over three days.  This week the Assembly managed to sit for 19 hours and three minutes in just two days.  Sadly there was no rain to interrupt play.

It’s not that long ago everyone was bemoaning the absence of legislative activity, but like a panic-stricken fifteen year finishing off his course work before the final deadline the Assembly progressed 16 separate pieces of Executive Business.  All important and necessary stuff, but did the Business Office collectively forget there was a Recess coming?  Didn’t they notice the tell tale signs of summer – sun, long evenings, parades?

There were some interesting exchanges during the Budget debate.  It was almost as if someone had picked up a compendium of ‘Yes Minster’; the scales fell from their eyes and they realised for the first time that the bureaucracy of Government is not always there to facilitate decisions by politicians.

The Finance Minister argued that the Budget process is “lengthy, convoluted and repetitive — very repetitive on some occasions”.  He also confessed that the whole process lacks transparency and that financial publications produced for the Assembly “did not lend themselves to easy scrutiny and challenge”.  Whether that is the fault of the Mandarins or the Ministers, keen to defend their budgets in the gloom of obfuscating double speak, is a matter for debate.  Necessity is the mother of invention, however, and the small matter of having to find c.£1bn worth of savings has had the wonderful effect of concentrating minds on delivering value for the taxpayer.

As Dr. Farry (Alliance, North Down) pointed out during the incredibly lengthy Wildlife Bill debate, President Obama’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, argued that a good crisis should never be allowed to go to waste.  With an inevitable contraction of the public sector due, is this Northern Ireland’s chance to shed its Keynesian Republic image, trim its excessive Government layers and give the private sector room to grow? Alternatively, given a track record of indecision and dither, we may just stagger through unchanged.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The FM is hopeful the EU will help fund a Conflict Resolution Centre at the former Maze Prison and noted that he’s waiting for the Coalition Govt. to bring out a paper on the possibilities of devolving power to amend Corporation Tax.

Over at DRD the Minister revealed that the new road between Londonderry and Aughnacloy has cost £27m so far, expressed his unwillingness to transfer any powers to local councils in the absence of RPA and confirmed that he’s asked DFP for an extra £2.3m to cover the popularity of subsidized fares for the over 60s.  The DSD Minister discussed regeneration of the Lower Falls and has a bid of £5m with the Executive to fund a Mortgage Relief scheme.

Written Answers

The new Parades Bill should be out for consultation within weeks according to OFMDFM, DCAL’s consultants are still working on the business case for new sports stadia for Football, Gaelic and Rugby while the DETI Minister confirmed that she’s made five official visits to West Belfast.

Environment confirmed that February was the first month on record without a fatality and that deaths this year are running at less than half of those last year.  DFP revealed that no civil servants have been sent on anger management classes in the last five years and DoJ confirmed that Lithuanians top the list of foreign nationals who have served sentences of over one year locally (there are only nine of them though).  DRD estimates that the average daily flow of traffic on Belfast’s Lisburn Rd is 19,954 vehicles.

COMMITTEES

Cockle fishing on Belfast Lough was tickling DARD’s fancy, DFP was considering how the Assembly scrutinises the Budget and DEL was contemplating redundancies at Quinn Group.  Education was trying to work out what the secret is to running a good secondary school in a disadvantaged area while DETI was reviewing implementation of MATRIX’s proposals.  DCAL was briefed on Derry / Londonderry’s Capital of Culture bid, Environment was back on the tee at Knock Golf Club, Health was back on Sunbeds and Justice was considering a draft Community Safety strategy.

AND FINALLY….

With the House sitting three days next week instead of the usual two, MLAs are beginning to despair if there ever will be a ‘finally’ this year.

Roll on the Recess!

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

What a stroke of bad fortune that was.  You wait all those years to finally decide that the reform of Local Govt. won’t be happening any time soon, and just as you’re about to explain to the electorate why £9m has drifted off into the ether, along comes the Saville report into Bloody Sunday and hardly anyone notices.  Doh! What are the chances! 

Such is the robustness of the political process, the implications of Saville were – so far – taken with barely a break in anyone’s stride.  The Prime Minister’s fulsome and magnanimous acceptance of the findings drew the sting out of potential nationalist anger, while unionists seemed assuaged by his equally fulsome praise for the role of the army generally and a shying away from calling from prosecutions. 

The point that on the day the Deputy First Minister was “probably” carrying a Thompson machine gun that was probably used in previous gun attacks didn’t even seem to cause anyone to break a sweat.  Changed times indeed.

Times were also changing on the Floor of the House during the week’s lengthy Budget debates.  Not everyone may have accepted the realities of the scorched earth Budget which is coming next week from Westminster, but at least more MLAs than usual spared us their fantasy wish list of services which exist in a parallel universe were the laws of macro-economics are frozen in a state of suspended animation.

That said, despite the fact that the outlook for the NI Budget was “bleak” requiring “tough”, “painful” and “unpalatable” decisions, the delusions remain, not least the stubborn refusal by many to even countenance water charges or the persistent belief that all our ills lie at the feet of those nasty bankers, overlooking the role of individuals and politicians alike who pigged out on cheap money with gay abandon.

There will be no easy solutions.  MLAs want budgets to be “scrutinized”, trimmed senior public servant salaries and greater funding for R&D.  Given the tsunami of cuts coming, MLAs may as well whistle in the wind; services across the board are going to be sliced.  It’s not quite the ‘Shared Future’ we were promised, but it’s all you’re going to get.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The Environment Minister was alluding to cuts of £1.25bn over the next three years which precluded the Executive from paying the upfront costs of Local Govt. reform.  He also had a pop at Sinn Fein for not agreeing to the business model which would have delivered the maximum amount of savings from RPA.

Over at DFP the Minister discussed deprivation in West Belfast, noted that all those farmers who had difficulty reading maps for their EU subsidy applications will cost taxpayers at least £3m and warned that raising the regional rate by 20% would only raise £128m.  The Health Minister, meanwhile, argued he has no room for further cuts.

Written Answers

OFMDFM defended itself against complaints that it’s taken at least four years to establish an Older Peoples Commissioner, DARD spends £43m annually on the Agri-Food Biosciences Institute annually and DCAL confirmed that £20K has been spent on an Ulster-Scots dictionary.

Almost 70 schools have closed over the past decade according to Education, DEL revealed that NI’s participation rate in Higher Education (50%) is the highest in the UK and DETI disclosed that unemployment is lowest in Strangford and Lagan Valley (3.5%).  DoE listed 37 different pieces of legislation dealing with noise issues and highlighted Belfast as the worst recycling council in NI (22.4%).  DFP identified Carrickfergus as the council area with the lowest number of suicides in 2009 – two compared to 62 in Belfast.

COMMITTEES

DARD was Equality Screening its Farm Modernisation scheme (are Massey’s being discriminated against?), DoE was flying high with seat sales at Belfast City Airport, DFP is investigating insurance costs and DRD was on the buses with Translink’s planning assumptions.

DoE was focused on Road Safety, DSD was towing the Caravans Bill, DETI was sniffing biogas and DCAL met the movie moguls from NI Screen.  Justice is courting popularity by trying to pick the pockets of barristers by cutting back on legal aid.

AND FINALLY….

Budget debates aren’t the same since Declan O’Loan, one of the Assembly’s few financial brains who has progressed from abacus to scientific calculator, was dismissed to the SDLP “naughty step” for a time-out to contemplate his views on nationalist realignment.  With no whip, the learned member wasn’t inclined to share his views.

Somebody else on the naughty step is Israel after its abortive raid on a Gaza relief flotilla.  They’ve called in former First Minister David Trimble as an independent investigator.  With the events of this week still fresh in his mind, he’ll be wary of doing a ‘Widgery’. 

Given, however, that some had been tipping him as David Cameron’s Attorney General, Mr. Trimble will have plenty of time on the long flight to Tel Aviv to contemplate what might have been.

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

Business in the House was never going to make for prime time viewing, but in recent months what little did pass for entertainment seems to have dried up.  The atmosphere is as flat as Rio Ferdinand’s ‘welcome’ home party from the World Cup and as enticing as free membership of the Dublin branch of the French football team’s supporters’ club. 

It needs some serious oomph – otherwise the next four weeks before the summer recess are going to be as much fun as an Adjournment debate on Strangford’s many and varied potholes.  If only Mastermind would allow it as a specialist subject some of the Members would be in with a realistic shout at the title.

Maybe it’s the proximity of the recess which has sucked the lifeblood out of the place.  Maybe it’s the scandals, the Westminster campaign, the interminable negotiations over Justice which actually delivered something or the interminable negotiations over RPA which look like going nowhere.  Maybe they’re all just a bit punch drunk? Probably they’d all rather be at home watching Chile vs Switzerland.

While tribal controversies are never far away – next week there’s the Bloody Sunday report and the Tour of the North parade to get worked up about – the political process has been robust enough to survive everything which has been thrown at it to date.

Leader writers often wring their hands in despair at the calibre of person which politics attracts.  In the past people could offer up the not unreasonable excuse that putting yourself up for public scrutiny led to new additions to the family – such as a four-man personal protection squad.  It’s hard to have a quiet night in with the missus when there are six of you.

But the truth is, most people – including those from the professional classes – don’t want to actively get involved because politics is mostly dull, particularly when you get down to the nitty-gritty of actual governance.  Who in their right mind is interested in River Bann Navigation Orders or Donaghadee Harbour Orders?  Don’t be too hard on your representatives.  It’s miserable work. But somebody’s got to do it.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The DFM revealed more details about the upcoming US Investment conference, had little progress to report on help from the Treasury for PMS savers and admitted that with so many parties involved in the Executive, Departments tend to work in “silos”.

The DEL Minister confessed that most of his staff are “low paid” and advised that about 2/3 of local students in GB return home eventually.  The DETI Minister talked up the benefits of Titanic Quarter and the NI Science Park, welcomed Aitricity to the domestic electricity market and noted that while GB visitors to NI have fallen by 8%, those from the Republic are up by 32% on the year.

Written Answers

OFMDFM noted that it funds the Equality Commission to the tune of £6.99m and £8.9m for the Community Relations Council annually.  The DCAL Minister’s ‘Minority Languages’ strategy is being held up in ongoing correspondence with the Education Minister while DETI has spent £250K to date on RPA.

Education confirmed that of the 2,070 teachers who qualified in the past three years, less than half are employed as full-time teachers, DoE revealed strong public support for the reduction of drink-driving limits and DFP advised that there are 246 vacancies in the Civil Service.  Health disclosed that toilets in the Royal Victoria are cleaned twice as often as those in the Mater and Justice noted that Court fines for road offences totaled £3.3m last year and that there were 6,754 shoplifting offences.

COMMITTEES

DFP was considering rating for empty houses, DEL was musing over how to widen participation in the Higher Education sector while Education was ‘toying’ with Early Years strategy.  Environment was ‘mucking’ about with the Waste & Contaminated Land Bill and the new DSD Minister briefed his Committee on his departmental Corporate Plan.

OFMDFM went AWOL to Brussels, the Tourist Board briefed DCAL on its tourism strategy and DETI was doing its bit for the Social Enterprise sector.  Things are warming up over at Health with the new Sunbed legislation.

AND FINALLY….

The only saving grace of Northern Ireland’s wretched history is that it provides a fair degree of material of the little banter that does occur – sometimes popping up in the most unexpected places.

For instance, during the Adjournment debate on works to the A2 Carrickfergus road, Ken Robinson (UUP, Antrim East) complained that 300 years ago King Billy also encountered difficulties on the road en route to the Boyne.  The Sinn Fein DRD Minister retorted that if he’d known it was so easy, he would have taken action earlier to block the road and “save us a lot of problems”.  Wonder if that would have passed a Section 75 Equality Assessment?

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

Life is full of unintended consequences.  When Coalition forces invaded Iraq they didn’t expect to unleash a sectarian civil war which would claim more casualties than the original invasion. 

When the Tory right drove John Major’s Government into oblivion with the comforting thought that five years out of power would help them regroup, they didn’t imagine that 13-years later the party still wouldn’t be able to form a Government by itself.  Likewise, at the end of Ghostbusters, Dan Aykroyd’s character didn’t intend to conjure up a 50ft Stay Puff Marshmallow Man whose intention it was to destroy the world.

When Unionists decided that a unity candidate was the best way to win back Fermanagh & South Tyrone, they didn’t anticipate that the SDLP vote in the constituency would collapse or that Sinn Fein would ‘stand aside’ in South Belfast to give Alasdair McDonnell a clear run.  Nor did they expect debates about Unionist unity to spark similar debates among the ranks of Nationalists, especially not within the ranks of the SDLP Assembly team.

Thus, when the SDLP’s bookish Declan O’Loan (North Antrim) thought it would be a good idea to fly a few kites on the issue of Nationalist unity, more than a few eyebrows were raised.  Indeed, such was the ire within the SDLP leadership that the former teacher (dubbed ‘Himself Alone’ by the Irish News) was given six of best before having the whip withdrawn indefinitely. 

Given, however, that there is nothing marshmallow-like about Mr. O’Loan’s grey matter – he’s one of the few MLAs who can string together coherent thoughts on the complexities of Government finance without a  well prepared script – it’s unlikely that the banishment will become permanent.

On the SDLP front benches the new DSD Minister, Alex Attwood, was, however, finding his gooey streak, taking a conciliatory approach with all and sundry.  This is not the Alex Attwood we have all come to know and love.  Hopefully normal service will return soon.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The First Minister indicated he was happy for all MLAs to take a 5% pay cut, put the stalling of RPA down to uncertainties over how restructuring Local Govt. would actually deliver savings, reported little progress from the Treasury on the Presbyterian Mutual Society and noted that OFMDFM staff had the best absenteeism record in the NI Civil Service.

The new DSD Minister covered off town centre regeneration, Living Over the Shop schemes and plans to start 2,000 new social house units in the upcoming financial year.  The Justice Minister talked up Cultural Diversity training for Prison Officers, assessed the current security situation and noted that over 500 people have been electronically tagged.

Written Answers

OFMDFM indicated the long expected CSI strategy will go out to public consultation in June while Jim ‘Strangford’ Shannon asked DARD to comment on its support for Glastry Ice Cream’s new ‘lavender’ flavour and what the DETI Minister was doing to promote jobs in Comber.

Environment was inundated with questions about redeploying Planning Officials, DFP confirmed that absenteeism in the Civil Service has fallen to 11 days from 15.5 days in 2003 / 04 and 452 people are on police bail in North Belfast according to Justice.  DRD reported that Ulsterbus has over 30 buses in operation which are over 18-years olds and that it hopes to introduce legislation for Belfast Rapid Transit system this June.

COMMITTEES

The Health Minister had the dubious pleasure of discussing revised spending plans, Cockle Fishing was tickling DARD’s fancy and DFP was examining public sector efficiencies.  DRD hitched a lift on Public Transport reform, Integrated Education was feeling all cross-community with Education and Environment considered how to squeeze more money out of Europe.  DCAL was briefed on Museums’ strategy, Justice got up to speed with the Criminal Justice Inspectorate and DSD went for a jolly to the Slieve Donard.

AND FINALLY….

Unfortunately for Stormont, in what was a rather good week for work of the House – with measures to become the first region in the British Isles to tackle sunbed abuse and a commendable Private Members’ Bill from John McCallister (UUP South Down) to improve the lot of caravan owners – the debacle over RPA and the Maze site which have consumed millions but delivered nothing has rather taken the lustre off.

Given that the deficit squeeze means that we’re all going to be living on a diet which makes the WWII rationing recipe of Squirrel Tale Soup look positively appetising, such profligacy is not going to be popular.

Fortunately, though, a recent survey suggested that £57m is lurking down the back of sofas across the UK.  We just need to find some time in the Finance Minister’s diary to visit the country’s 22 million households…..

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

“The years spent in isolation have not equipped him with the tools necessary to judge right from wrong. He’s had no context. He’s been completely without guidance. It seems clear that his awareness of what we call reality is radically underdeveloped.”

So thought a psychologist of the leading character in Tim Burton’s 1990 movie, ‘Edward Scissorhands’.  I don’t know so much about the finger-chopping Edward, but it sounds like a rather apt description of Northern Ireland’s body politic every time someone mentions the ‘N’ phrase – ‘National Debt’.

It will haunt the former Chief Secretary to the Treasury until he dies, but Liam Byrne’s naughty note to his successor was rather more succinct about the state of the UK’s finances than any economist could be:

“Dear Chief Secretary, I’m afraid to tell you there’s no money left. Kind regards – and good luck! Liam.”  How many histories of the New Labour years will be shaped by that pithy insight?  If you listen closely you can actually hear the phrase spur on the corrosive effects of time on the Iron Chancellor’s already rusty reputation.

Back home Northern Ireland was treated to a visit by the new PM, head of a previously unheard of party – the Liberal Conservatives – who bounded into town to reassure everyone that the Sassenachs weren’t coming to strip the place bare after all.  Good job too, there’s not much worth stripping. 

Too many local politicians, however, seem to have lost touch with reality, still plugging the line that Northern Ireland should be exempt from any cuts – certainly not any as far reaching as George Gideon ‘Scissorhands’ Osborne may have in mind.

Even Finance Minister, Sammy ‘Sound as a Pound’ Wilson, was eager to jump aboard the political life raft that devolved Assemblies could postpone this year’s cuts until next year, when no doubt there’ll be an even larger axe to be swung.  Welcoming the news last night he argued that Northern Ireland had a different business cycle to the rest of the UK. 

With Assembly elections looming, I wonder did he mean to say ‘election cycle’?

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

During a dull session, the Finance Minister confirmed that no Departments had sought extra funds to deal with pressures caused by migrants; he also tellingly agreed that the House had “evaded and avoided” the issue of water charges.

For once the Chamber sprung into life during Health Questions with North Belfast and Mid-Ulster MLAs getting increasingly incandescent about unavoidable closures of local A&E Units. The Minister also dealt with MS services, outlined plans to save £88m by proscribing generic rather than branded drugs and reveled in the fact that only Health had met its RPA targets.  The DRD Minister, unsurprisingly, ruled out the possibility of a Bangor – Belfast motoroway.

Written Answers

OFMDFM is planning to trim 51 staff by 2011, the DCAL Minister produced his letter of congratulations to Tony McCoy on winning the Grand National and Education is spending £32.7m on the Girls’ Model school in Belfast. 

DETI has estimated the initial loss of tourism pounds thanks to the Icelandic volcano at £1.8m and confirmed that the Executive’s sub-committee on the economy met for the first time yesterday.

DoE still doesn’t have a date for the public inquiry into the extension of Belfast City Airport’s runway, DFP noted that there are 285 Arabs living in Northern Ireland while Justice set out its aim to cut anti-social behaviour by 15% by 2011.

COMMITTEES

DARD contemplated the preservation of Sea Bass, Welfare Reform engaged DSD, while DEL was still trying to get those NEETs out of everyone’s hair.  The IBOA banked on DFP support for their campaign against the sale of First Trust, DRD dug into the issue of Street Works while Education marked the report card of the Irish-medium sector.

Environment lit up the North / South Interconnector, DETI evaluated the NI Science Park while DCAL is still running round after its sport participation inquiry.  Health considered its capital budget and Justice began getting its teeth into its first Justice Bill.

AND FINALLY….

All this talk of fiscal responsibility may have prompted a piece in the South Belfast News about how money has been spent on Belfast City Councillors.  I know the public sector is often accused of flushing money down the toilet, but nobody really thought that was literally the case. Until….

Step up to the mark Clllr. Niall ‘the Can’ Kelly who apparently was dispatched to Birmingham for the ‘Loo of the Year’ awards at the grand cost of £406.09.

Talk about spending a penny!

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

2,721 votes cast out of a total of 673,871 doesn’t seem much.  That’s because it’s not.  In fact, it’s a paltry 0.4%, but in business and in politics, it’s victory in the margins which can make all the difference.

1,534 votes in East Belfast were all that stood in the way of an impressive overall DUP result which saw the party knock back the UCUNF challenge across Northern Ireland and put the TUV back in its box.  In light of the scandals, the brouhaha over Policing & Justice and a European election in which the TUV captured 40% of the DUP vote, many in the party would have settled for a 25% share of the vote.  Losing a seat which you’ve held for 31 years and a leader who is regarded as your sharpest political operator does, however, rather take the gloss off.

1,183 votes in South Antrim and four votes in Fermanagh & South Tyrone were all that stood in the way of a decent performance for the UUP’s ‘brave new world’ with the Tories and political calamity.

Two seats would have allowed a rejuvenated Reg to welcome the dawn of a new way of doing politics in Northern Ireland.  He could even have been contemplating the prospect of a Jnr Ministry in Westminster.  Instead, like Robinson, he’ll be spending his time contemplating the sun setting on a career which has spanned forty years.  It’s an unforgiving business and there’s the finest of lines between been viewed as a political whizz kid and a political numpty. 

Indeed, in an ironic twist it’s a veritable triumvirate of gloom for all Unionist leaders with the TUV’s Jim Allister polling poorly in North Antrim and left wondering if there’s a role left for his brand of Unionism.

Alliance, Sinn Fein and the SDLP can all, however, sit back and bathe in some well earned political sunshine.  With a hung parliament nationally though, there must be a strong possibility of a Westminster re-run before the Assembly elections next year.  Don’t get too excited – sequels never tend to be as good.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The DCAL Minister discussed making school sporting facilities more accessible to local communities and made it clear that there will be no additional funding for his upcoming minority languages strategy. Over at Education the Minister was rounded on from across the political spectrum over the school build programme, particularly the dilatory replacement of Whitehouse PS in North Belfast.  She did, however, announce a further £3m for free school meals.

The DEL Minister outlined his steps to tackle both graduate unemployment and NEETs, and defended his record on promoting STEM subjects, despite their falling popularity.

Written Answers

Another slow week for Questions, but OFMDFM revealed that running costs for the NSMC Executive were £645K, DCAL is reviewing funding for sports clubs named after those with criminal convictions while Education noted that of the 2,894 pupils in Irish-medium schools just five are from the Protestant community.

DETI estimated that there are 43,000 workers born overseas working in Northern Ireland and revealed that they’ve set aside £100K to market the Titanic’s centenary.  DoE disclosed that the CEO of Newry City Council is the second highest paid in the Province (picking up between £110K – £120K pa) while Health noted the average Doctor’s income was £91K.  31 people are being electronically tagged in Foyle according to Justice.

COMMITTEES

No Statutory Committee meetings were held this week.

AND FINALLY….

In case you missed it, Stormont actually did sit for a day this week, not that anyone noticed, bothered or cared.  The Members were, however, getting rather worked up about waste, reserving some of their harshest criticism for litterbugs. 

The Assembly may have debated murder, child abuse, human rights abuses and drug dealers, but nobody is apparently as bad as the “parasites and scumbags” who pebbledash our streets with chewing gum and general detritus. 

Glad to know that while the streets of Greece are burning and the markets are plunging our legislators haven’t lost their sense of perspective….

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

The saying goes that you ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’.  This week’s Forestry Bill set a new adage – ‘you can’t see the Bill for the Amendments’.  

Granted it’s been several decades since Northern Ireland legislated for its paltry tree cover (we’re one of the least forested regions of Europe), but one would have hoped that a non-contentious Bill wouldn’t have required such ‘root and branch’ reform.  In total there were 32 amendments which kept the DARD Minister on her feet for several hours.  This wasn’t whittling, it was a full frontal hatchet job. 

This was the week for swinging the axe as the public finally realized that the gargantuan gap in the nation’s finances was in danger of turning into a Greek tragedy; not that anyone with Prime Ministerial ambitions was spelling out what the remedy would be.

David Cameron’s clumsy yet accurate highlighting of the fact that NI’s economy is more public-sector driven than some communist states sent everyone – bar the UUP Tories -  scuttling for the high ground of moral indignation.  The FM reckoned the Tory cuts would add 2,000 to the dole queues, the DETI Minister tagged his as ‘Chopper Cameron’, the aptly named Jonathan Bell (DUP, Strangford) put it down as a ‘Cameron Clanger’ and Peter Weir (DUP, North Down) was making cutting remarks about Freddie Krueger.

It was easy politics, but even those mathematically challenged ‘dogs in the street’ have sufficient grasp of macro-economics to realize that our deadweight reliance on the public sector is what feeds the stubbornly immovable gap in prosperity between NI and the other UK regions.  It wasn’t a particularly sustainable strategy during Brown’s golden era when he single-handedly abolished ‘boom & bust’, but now that Brown and his boom are clearly a busted flush, change is ‘a coming’.  And it’s going to hurt.

Thankfully next week’s Bank Holiday will spare us a day of banality in the Chamber and free MLAs to pound the streets.  Give a thought though for the leafy suburbs of Surrey as you try to avoid the canvassers. Westminster’s balance of power could well rest in the uplands of North Antrim or Fermanagh’s bogs. At least we’ve had decades to attune to our local MPs foibles; it will come as something of a shock to the uninitiated.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The FM took opportunity of a UUP question on public sector cuts to round on Conservative spending plans, paid tribute to the outgoing SIB CEO and bemoaned the lack of Westminster action over the Presbyterian Mutual Society.  In his first outing the Justice Minister concurred with the Chief Constable that the current dissident Republican threat is severe and indicated that his priorities include a prison review and the reform of legal aid.

The DARD Minister discussed flooding in East Belfast, assistance for egg producers and funding for the farm modernization scheme.

Written Answers

Slow week for Questions, but DCAL outlined some of its plans to celebrate the Titanic’s centenary in 2012, Education noted that the pupil / teacher ratio in Irish language primary schools is just 16.3 (20.6 in the Integrated sector) while the DoE Minister revealed that he’s asked officials to look at how to boost recycling rates.

DFP confirmed that the population of Crumlin has risen by 20% in the past seven years, Health plans to introduce a ban on in-store tobacco advertising in December and Justice disclosed that 17 people are in jail for failing to pay fines and that 321 contraband phones have been confiscated in prison since 2005.  DRD explained that it would be too expensive to provide a dedicated rail halt for Windsor Park.

COMMITTEES

Committee meetings were also in short supply but seed potato regulations were taking root again on DARD’s agenda, OFMDFM considered a draft Bill to appoint a Commissioner for Older People and Education was belatedly briefed on the 2010/11 Budget.

The DoE Minister briefed his Committee on Road Safety and plans to redeploy 300 planning officials, DCAL was still working out over its sports participation inquiry, the PAC is still pursuing Organised Crime and Justice was still getting its head round the various Non-Departmental Public Bodies which it is now responsible for.

AND FINALLY….

During this week’s debate on the Army Cadets it emerged that former member, Lord Browne (DUP, East Belfast) once spent a week peeling potatoes as a punishment for dispatching his unit’s baggage to Dundee instead of Lancashire.

Mind numbingly dull, but perfect training for all those endless hours on the Floor of the House and those even more tedious hours trapped in the DCAL Committee contemplating Eel Licence regulations.  Who said politics was glamorous?

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

Such has been the fallout from the Credit Crunch that even a well established name such as Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer is finding it tough going.  This week it emerged that the iconic film studio has accumulated eye watering debts totaling $4bn and that the latest Bond film has been put on the ice.  Sam Goldwyn would not be impressed.

Current day MGM Executives would do well to abandon the tried and tested method of sitting in a quiet, darkened corner to compose their thoughts.  If they need a serene environment to contemplate the prospect of spending more time with their families they need simply ping some microwave popcorn into the oven and download this week’s Assembly’s debates.  They’ll not be shaken and definitely not be stirred. 

Not much is happening at Stormont because anything which really matters politically is taking place on the canvass trail or in the TV studios.  The 95-plus MLAs who didn’t turn up for the initial vote on creating a café culture society weren’t in need of too much prompting to work out that the electorate weren’t exactly glued to the screens. 

Mind you, I’m not sure the electorate was even going to be that enthralled by last night’s NI Leaders’ Debate.  Kicking off the event to the dulcet tones of ‘When Two Tribes Go to War’ was a tad unsubtle, as was the glaring absence of an apostrophe at the end of ‘Leaders’ on all the branding. 

The format didn’t allow for much cut and thrust with the SDLP leader killing off any spontaneity by reading her starting pitch. The DUP leader didn’t inject any oomph with an Eyjafjallajokull-style explosion when queried about land transactions and Mr. Adams was as unflappable as ever. As for Sir Reg – where do those shirt and tie combos come from?

Television is a cruel medium, pandering to our shallowest emotions.  I know it shouldn’t, but, sadly, sartorial elegance on TV counts.  Labour has accused the Tories of turning back the clocks to the 80s, but someone in Cameron Towers really should intervene and tell Sir Reg to stop heading straight to the 70s.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The Health Minister welcomed moves to ban Methodrome, criticized the Education Minister for her lack of response to his thoughts on a Ryan-style inquiry into child abuse and complained that it took OFMDFM nine months to respond to new adoption proposals. The DRD Minister is looking at governance options for NI Water, detailed why the existing A5 route in Tyrone couldn’t be upgraded and discussed traffic flow in Bangor.

For her part, the Social Development Minister talked up Victoria Square, the importance of shared space and town centre regeneration – although she did seem to have a surprising preponderance of opportunities to talk about the South Down Westminster constituency.  Hmmm…

Written Answers

OFMDFM noted that major demolition work at the Maze site has been completed, Education revealed that there are 31,000 and 34,000 unoccupied spaces respectively in Controlled and Maintained Primary Schools, and DEL disclosed that there were 11,000 unsuccessful applications to NI universities last year.

DoE argued that more could be done to recycle the 25% of household waste which is food based, the Health Minister refused to comment on the funding of Iris Robinson’s ongoing care, Justice disclosed that 1,600 people went to jail last year for failing to pay court fines and DSD expects work on the first 100 homes at Girdwood barracks to begin next year.

COMMITTEES

DARD considered renewable energy, DEL has an ongoing enquiry into NEETs and DFP was counting the cost of insurance locally, Education was briefed on the Department’s budget and DoE belted-up for briefings on its Road Safety strategy.

DETI met Quinn Insurance employees to discuss their risky jobs, DCAL tried to get a grip on those slippery Eel Fishing Regulations, Justice held their first meeting to work out what exactly they did, the PAC turned its attention to organized crime and Health was exposed to upcoming Sun Bed Bill.

AND FINALLY….

Sam Goldwyn usually had a quip to hand, some of which should provide comfort to our politicians, particularly as they’re being dissected and fed to the baying media pack. Sam’s advice was: “Don’t pay any attention to the critics. Don’t even ignore them.” 

Mr. Goldwyn even had some words of wisdom from beyond the grave for the TUV’s Jim Allister, or possibly that was the Real IRA, you decide:

“Don’t worry about the war. It’s all over but the shooting.”

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

“He shall separate them one from another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.”  Matthew 25:32

The pall of volcanic ash causing merry havoc with European airspace wasn’t the only biblical portent of doom playing on people’s minds this week.  The good folk at DARD were also getting in on the act with a snazzy press release entitled ‘Sheep & Goat Identity Inspectors Appointed’ – although on closer examination it transpired that it had less to do with divinely inspired ‘Revelationary-outsourcing’ from above, and more to do with the rather more mundane Sheep and Goats (Records, Identification and Movement) Order (NI) 2009. 

The event of the week in Stormont was, of course, the appointment of the Alliance leader, David Ford, as the new Justice Minister.  Possibly, just possibly if you squint hard enough, you could imagine the bearded Mr. Ford as a latter-day Moses-figure, tasked with delivering a new legal code for the ‘stiff-necked Children of Ulster’. 

Unfortunately for Mr. Ford, a Presbyterian Church elder, the manifestation of miracles which Moses benefitted from in the wilderness are likely to be less forthcoming in his current position. Indeed, some would argue that the ‘miracle quota’ has already been well and truly allocated just to get as far as his election.

It’ll be interesting to see how Mr. Ford fares in our ‘partnership Government’, given that both the SDLP and UUP believe that the new Minister has pilfered his position at their expense, and the DUP and Sinn Fein regard him as a useful sticking plaster to help patch up their irreconcilable differences over justice issues.  Plus, the rather tasteless welcome present from dissident Republicans in the form of a car bomb to spook the spooks in Holywood, would suggest that Mr. Ford will have more on his plate than just deflating Northern Ireland’s bloated legal-aid system.

Clearly though, minds at Stormont have meandered off to the more pressing political matter of the General Election. Don’t expect too much excitement until after May 6^th.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The Deputy First Minister talked up the opportunities for future US investment and the benefits of a US Investment Conference to be held in the autumn.  He also committed support for a new police / fire service college in Cookstown but that both the new Justice Department and the Health Department would have to back its business case.

The Environment Minister again defended officials involved in the Knock Golf Course planning application and fielded a number of questions about conflicts of interest /confidentiality within the Planning Service.  Sadly there was little humour in the Finance Minister’s round-up this week, but he did accuse the Education Minister of a “terminological inexactitude” regarding her plans to cut support to Prep schools.

Written Answers

Not too many Written Questions following the Easter break, but DCAL did note that the Ulster Folk & Transport Museum attracted 169,000 visitors last year.  DEL addressed plans by the University of Ulster in Coleraine to add more wind turbines (it was the first in the UK to introduce them) while DETI disclosed that Invest NI has offered £16m over the past five years in assistance to Energy from Waste projects.

DFP revealed that there are 74 outstanding Civil Service staff grievances from 2008, Health paid out £11m in doctors’ bonuses last year and DRD advised that the four NI Water Board Members who were dismissed recently received a daily fee of £750.  The Assembly Commission confirmed that the Assembly Library costs £690K to run annually.

COMMITTEES

Bairbre de Brun & Diane Dodds, the Sinn Fein and DUP MEPs, graced OFMDFM, DARD got down and dirty with Organic Farming, DFP was updated on PEDU and Education was still detained on the painful question of removing funding for Prep schools.

High Hedges were overshadowing DoE, DETI was energized by the head of the Single Electricity Market and SONI while DEL was briefed about a future skills needs analysis for the local workforce.

AND FINALLY….

The thing about stereotypes is that there’s usually a grain of truth in their genesis; thus it was in this week’s debate about extra support for bookies and horse racing.  Willie Clarke (Sinn Fein, South Down) was quick to chip in with his pleasure at winning a Grand National sweepstake, while the more conservative DUP MLA, Jim Shannon, representing those who don’t like gambling, quipped that his knowledge of horses was limited to knowing that “King Billy rode one at the Battle of the Boyne.”

Mind you, the new Justice Minister joked in 2001 that he didn’t mind being the “back-end of a pantomime horse” when he helped save a previous incarnation of the Assembly.  Fortunately for him, such was the tortuous process which led to his appointment, he’d have to be spectacularly bad at his job before he could be put out to pasture….

THE WEEK THAT WAS….

“Big wheels keep on turning, Carry me home to see my kin, Singing songs about the Southland, I miss Alabamy once again… Sweet home Alabama…”

It must be a tiring business being a political opponent of the Education Minister, vainly waiting for the ‘wheels’ to come off her political project.  Why can’t she just follow the lead of Belfast’s Big Wheel and grind to a halt they mutter, but Caitriona Ruane’s ‘Wheel of Misfortune’ just keeps on turning.  Any hopes they may have that misty-eyed songs about her ‘southland’ home in County Mayo will drag her away from the Education portfolio are badly misplaced.

Bar her own party faithful, the Minister has managed to raise the ire of every other main party and a large swathe of public opinion (she beat off hefty opposition to win the un-coveted ‘Most Disappointing Minister’ accolade in the Telegraph’s poll last autumn), but nothing will distract her from her task.  Teflon Tone and the Iron Lady are nothing to the titanium-covered Caitriona.

In the last few weeks the Minister has lobbed a few more political mortars into the ether, causing spasms of apoplexy with her desire to remove subsidies for pupils attending prep schools (without much consideration about who’ll pick up the cost if pupils end up transferring back into the state sector) and additional funding for Irish-language schools to be delivered via a third party because they didn’t meet the Department’s own capital fund requirements.

As proof that the three strikes and you’re out principle doesn’t work, it also emerged that the Minister’s guidelines for the abolition of academic selection may have landed schools in legal hot water.  In her defence, she branded proponents of academic as “immoral” – which was perhaps a tad harsh given the full smorgasbord of misdemeanours available in Northern Ireland’s public and political life which one could choose to criticise.  The Minister, however, remains impervious to howls of protest.  Her opponents may think she’s Lady Ga-Ga, but this lady isn’t for turning.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Oral Answers

The First Minister noted that the Draft Parades Bill, which was one of the out-workings of Hillsborough, will be completed in the next few weeks.  He also updated the House on the Executive’s progress to help Presbyterian Mutual savers and advised that the recent US trip was the most successful he and the DFM had made (including a meeting with the Director of the American National Security Council).

The DEL Minister talked about his upcoming Skills Conference, whilst the DETI Minister addressed a range of energy issues and her efforts to maintain Baker Hughes’ manufacturing presence in East Belfast.

Written Answers

DARD has spent over £100K in the last three years attending the Irish National Ploughing Championship, the Education Minister wasn’t able to estimate what the financial cost of withdrawing support for prep schools would be and DEL confirmed that the number of students at local universities had remained static for the last five years.

DETI revealed that 51,000 visitors have made use of the Belfast Hills Centre, DFP is not considering merging SIB and the Procurement Directorate, Health wants to offer telehealth services to 5,000 patients by 2011 and DSD confirmed that it will be a challenge to meet its new build social housing targets.

COMMITTEES

DARD brought in the bankers to consider financial services available to the agri-sector, DFP revisited Workplace 2010 while DEL is still ruminating over the merger of local teacher training colleges.

DRD’s speed merchants considered the Draft Rapid Transit Bill, Education considered legal advice about the Minister’s proposals for prep school funding and it was a hare-raising session at Environment who gave an initial green light for the return of Irish hare coursing.  The ‘surf’ dudes at DETI considered next generation broadband and DSD contemplated the development of Crumlin Road Gaol.

THE WEEK AHEAD

The House is in Recess until Monday 12^th April.

AND FINALLY….

What is it with DUP Members from Strangford and their desire to give the Speaker of the House indigestion?  Following the drunk’s maxim, that ‘one too many is never enough’ they seem determined to push the boundaries of what is acceptable parliamentary language.

Proceedings this week began with an evidently grumpy Speaker castigating Iris Robinson’s replacement, Jonathan Bell, who, like his predecessor, also managed to get ejected from the Chamber for testing Mr. Hay’s patience. 

Mind you, the Speaker’s ding dong wasn’t conferred to just the clanging Mr. Bell – Mervyn Strorey (DUP, North Antrim), Edwin Poots (DUP, Lagan Valley), David McNarry (UUP, Strangford) and Danny Kinahan (UUP, South Antrim) also got mentioned in dispatches.

At this rate the likeable DUP Speaker isn’t going to have any Unionist colleagues left to speak to in the Assembly’s café.